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Sunday, June 5th, 2005
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11:34 pm
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Whoever posted that comment to the entry below is a world class creep. I hope they know that.
I guess they didn't realize that Livejournal emails people when comments are left in their journal... that or they did and wanted to be threatening. It's messed up either way.
Get the help you need jerk.
current mood:  pissed off
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 3rd, 2005
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10:25 am
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| Friday, April 1st, 2005
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3:22 pm
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"The Trick Is To Keep Breathing"
She's not the kind of girl
Who likes to tell the world
About the way she feels about herself
She takes a little time in making up her mind
She doesn't want to fight against the tide
And lately I'm not the only one
I say never trust anyone
Always the one who has to drag her down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around
Can't bear to face the truth
So sick he cannot move
And when it hurts he takes it out on you
And lately I'm not the only one
I say never trust anyone
Always the one who has to drag her down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around
The trick is to keep breathing [x2]
She knows the human heart
And how to read the stars
Now everything's about to fall apart
I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around
I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around
The trick is to keep breathing [x7]
current mood:  distressed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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3:49 pm
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3:38 pm
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I have no words.
I resort to haiku generators instead.
current mood:  indescribable
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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8:20 am
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Dizzy... sleepy... somewhat incoherent... damn, I better not be getting sick again.
I suspect it's just stress/nervousness and the not eating much catching up with me. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, so it's not lack of sleep, that's for sure.
I've been trying to listen to fluffy, inconsequential music the last few days so as to keep myself distracted. I picked up the newest Duran Duran cd in Toronto and my goodness is it fluffy... perfect for what I need right now (yes, you may all now laugh at me because I ocassionally have crappy taste in music). I also picked up K-Os' "Joyful Rebellion" due in part to a recommendation from Roupen (aka sandwichboy) and I'm bonding with that cd a great deal, which is odd since I generally hate rap/hip hop. There are exceptions to every rule though, and K-os appears to be one of them.
I guess there's more I could write, but I think I'm too emotionally exhausted to even try.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Duran Duran "(Reach Up for The) Sunrise"
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
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11:25 am
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I didn't realize how much my teaching suffered whilst I was sick until I got better.
Damn... I was doing a horrible job for awhile there. I seem to have improved now that I'm feeling a bit less like death.
An important thanks needs to go out to my little support group that's formed up in the last couple of days. You guys have made the unbearable... well, maybe not completely bearable, but at least dealable. I'd be even more of a mess if it weren't for all of you, so thanks for the support and distraction.
Still homesick... that's not going to change anytime soon.
Oh, I'll tell you what... sickness/stress-induced nausea seems to be a great way to quickly shed weight. Probably not a healthy or comforting way, but a way nonetheless. Note: I don't recommend it despite the results.
current mood:  contemplative
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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10:59 am
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I'm back to the grind of working. So far the kids have been pretty decent considering they've been out of school for a week and I've somehow managed to stand upright and be coherent despite the fact that I've been on a night schedule for that same amount of time.
Breathing Florida air has become difficult. I about passed out when I left the air conditioned airport and tried to be outside. The humidity right now is enough to make a girl drown from breathing. Not that I was nutty about the cold in Toronto (as a certain heater that I spent a few hours clinging to the other night at Tim Hortons can attest to), but this is just ridiculous. I was just finally getting adjusted to the cold and now I'm back in the hot and sticky. I just KNOW I'm going to get sick again.
As far as vacations go this one may have been the most confusing one I've ever had. Some things that had been vague and unknown finally came to a head and I'm still trying to figure out how exactly to deal with them. Let's just say this trip left me changed and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to go on as I have been and act like nothing happened. What EXACTLY I'm going to do about everything is still a mystery, but I know I have to do something.
Change can be what's required, but that doesn't keep it from being scary.
But back to the overall vacation, I shall sum it up by saying the worst and best things that happened:
Best: The Vanessa Carlton concert that my little almost-brother Tom got me into on Saturday night. Damn, is she good live. Plus she has the funniest stage banter of anyone I've ever seen. It was just her and her piano and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Worst: Getting into MAJOR trouble for staying out super late Thursday night. How late, you ask? Oh... 9am late (is that more like staying out early?). I TOLD my parental units I'd get in after they got back from work, but I guess that wasn't enough. Needless to say that, despite being 25 AND not coming home inebriated (I was just out all night talking), I'm not going to be living this down any time soon.
It was a good trip. A confusing, confounding trip, but a good one nonetheless and it's taking all I have in me not to just break down crying I'm so homesick already.
current mood:  confused
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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11:33 am
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Mere hours until I'm off.
I hate the last few hours before a flight... the day just seems to drag if I'm looking forward to the trip and speed by if I don't want to leave.
Just three more class periods to make it through...
My Mac Mini hasn't arrived yet and Shawn's computer won't recognize my iPod (long story), so I've been forced to get it ready for my trip using my school computer. I'm just throwing on the stuff I HAVE to have with me as I'm going to have to reformat the thing when I switch it back to Mac anyways.
... I'm just itching with excitement.
current mood:  excited
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
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1:45 pm
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My computer finally shipped!
I might not have it in time for my trip, but at least it'll be here for when I get back!
Still have no voice... I'm just going to keep it as rested as possible until Saturday.
Two more school days till freedom.
current mood: giddy
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| Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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5:01 pm
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My voice is still nearly nonexistent.
Yesterday I tried to teach as usual a la Silent Bob (lots of faces and gestures.... little else) and it didn't go so well, so today I went with the old teacher standby of (drum roll...) A VIDEO!
Actually I was good and showed them "The Cat Returns", thus exposing them to international cinema and the like. The English dub on it was surprisingly good. I love this movie, but by my fifth class (and second to last period) I was getting a might tired of seeing the first half over and over and over. I can't think of may other films I could watch 6 times in one day and not want to burn afterward though, so just being a might tired of it was pretty good actually.
My stupid doctor still won't give me any more antibiotics so soon after my last two prescriptions (I called up yesterday to beg for meds and was rejected). I went to Walgreens this morning on the way to school though and stocked up on all the over the counter stuff I thought would help. I ended up walking into school with this massive sack of meds and tea and honey and such. It seems to have helped a tiny bit though as I'm not coughing as much now as I was this morning. Hopefully I'l be able to make enough of a recovery to be able to talk whilst I'm in Toronto.
I'm off to take a nap now.
current mood: drained
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| Sunday, March 13th, 2005
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9:00 am
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I completely lost my voice yesterday.
On Friday I had this scratchy froggy voice, but I could at least communicate. Saturday morning I woke up and there was just nothing. I can sort of whisper and that's about it. This may prove problematic if it continues tomorrow. Teaching was hard enough with barely any voice... it might be impossible without one at all.
Additional problem: How do I call my doctor to tell him I got worse if I can't speak?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM! I'll give you a proper birthday call when I can speak again. For now this'll have to do. Have a spiffy b-day!
The iPod Photo finally arrived. Turns out it got here on the 8th but the stupid Fed Ex guy delivered it to the apartment office instead of our apartment... and then no one from the apartment office made any attempt to contact me to tell me they had it. I found out by calling up Fed Ex to find out where the hell my baby iPod was. Anyways, so it's here and uber pretty. I'm holding off on syncing it up with Shawn's computer as my computer might be here before I go to Toronto and apparently I'd have to erase any work done to it on a Windows computer before I could make it work with a Mac (and vice versa). If the Mac Mini doesn't get here before Thursday, though, I'll put my fav cds on it at least so I can use it in Toronto.
I got the new Tori Amos cd yesterday. It's generally okay, but not as immediately strong as her earlier stuff. We'll see how it grows on me. Actually, I should correct that as ONE song had me hooked on the first listen: Sweet the Sting. It quite neatly falls into one of my favorite styles of music, the "sultry/semi-smutty" genre. I just can't get enough of that one song... why can't the rest of the cd be as good as it?!
current mood: drained
current music: Tori Amost "Sweet the Sting"
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 10th, 2005
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8:22 am
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Sickness, suffering, complete and total confusion... nothing new.
Infection #3 continues to grow worse. I went out to a friend's birthday dinner, and while it was enjoyable it left me completely drained. By the end of the night I was so shaky I was worried about driving home safely. Thankfully home was mere minutes away and I made it back fine. I got into bed immediately and spent the rest of the night in overall discomfort. Every muscle aches in ways I didn't think were possible and my throat feels like someone poured acid down it while I was asleep. I have no clue how I'm going to make it through the teaching day... I wish I had more sick days.
I'm so tired of being sick and in pain. It's pretty much been constant sickness since January... that's over 2 months now of not being alright. It's physically and emotionally exhausting, that's for sure. Shawn's been trying a bit more as of late to take care of me, but (and I feel bad for saying this) he's not doing that good a job. He'll make a halfhearted effort once and awhile, but he seems mostly unable to empathize with someone else's illness, especially one that lasted as long as mine has. It's a bit disappointing knowing that I can't completely count on him.
I'll be back in Toronto in 8 days. Hopefully I won't be this sick for my vacation... that would be unbearable.
Everything is just so tiring and confusing. Why can't life just be easy for once?! I'm tired of ambiguousness and uncertainty. I just want things to be straightforward and to the point.
current mood: confused
current music: Radiohead "Like Spinning Plates"
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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1:42 pm
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Take the quiz at dicepool.com
You are the rare, the overlooked, yet incredibly useful dodecahedron: the d12. You are a creative, romantic soul. You often act without thinking, but make up for your lack of plans with plenty of heart. You easily solve problems that stump others, but your answers tend to put you into even deeper trouble. You write long, detailed backgrounds for all your characters, and are most likely to dress up as one or get involved in cos-play. You can be silly at times and are easily distracted by your own day dreams, but are at the end of the day you're someone who can be depended on.
What... ME... cosplay?! (laugh)
I guess it's me, only the planning thing is dead wrong. I'm all about the plans... maybe too much so. Other than that, pretty much on target I suppose. Do I REALLY want to be a die though?
current mood: amused
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(comment on this)
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8:20 am
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Happy Birthday Rory! You stink.... and your stink stinks. I now add 'insults' to your birthday gift list (which is also comprised of jealousy and disease if you remember). Here's to 21 years of you inflicting your stink on others. ;)
I spent most of last night curled up on the floor feeling like junk, watching bittorents of the episodes of "Lost" and "Veronica Mars" I had missed lately. The floor is actually quite comfy when you're sick enough.
My newest idea for feeling better is to try and at least LOOK healthy. Then maybe if I can visually fake it my insides will get the idea and straighten up and fly right.
I need help naming my bass. It has no name and it told me it needs one. I've decided it's a boy bass, so it needs a boy name... and it should be a short name too. So far I'm playing around with Nate... Nate might be a good bass name. I like Nat, but if I ever have a child and the kid is a boy I'm naming him Nathaniel since I like Nat as a nickname... and having a kid and a bass with the same name is just weird. I'm also ruling out all names I like that belong to friends (which is ruling out a few names that I like) because having a bass with the same name as a friend is equally weird. Sora or Sorata might be good too. Naming things is time consuming.
current mood: confused
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
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5:37 pm
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8:29 am
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It's official... I'm on infection #3 of the year. My doctor proclaimed that I have a tonsil infection last night. On top of it I'm not on any antibiotics for it since I was on two rounds last month and my doctor is loathe to put me on more so soon. So now I have to ride it out and if it gets much worse I'm supposed to phone my doctor's office and let them know. Oh goodie. At least that explains the fevers I've been having.
I'm just going to be a barrel of good health for my trip (10 days and counting).
I need to stop listening to sad, moody music on the way to school (especially after nights of disturbing dreams). It leaves me so dragged out. I try not to, but then my brain starts craving Sneaker Pimps or Hyde or Aimee Mann or whatever and I give in. Today I played the following three songs over and over:
1) "Drop of Color" Hyde
2) "Secret Letters" Hyde (Liz... we need secret BENTO sometime soon!)
3) "Lightning Field" Sneaker Pimps
Must... put... peppyer... music... in ... car!
current mood:  listless
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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11:45 am
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Happy Birthday Elena!
Now you are old like me! Ha ha ha! Serves you right for making fun of someone's age when you're only a few days younger than them!
My iPod in on its way... hurry to me my little iPod photo!
My weekend flew by. At least the plus side to that is it puts me closer to the 18th. 9 teaching days left...
My school just started our FCAT testing this week. That's Florida's big, stupid standardized test for those of you blessed enough not to have to deal with it. I've been trying to have "class as normal", which has been made difficult since the schedule for when I see each grade level had to be changed for the test week and I have to keep my first three classes (k, 1, and 2 for this week) completely silent because no one had the good sense to properly insulate the rooms here and noise carries between classes like you wouldn't believe (I'm just glad I don't teach music). It's going to be a challenge, but it IS nice having the harder grades at the beginning of the day when they're a tad better behaved and I'm less wiped out. Hopefully the older kids won't be too wound up from all their testing earlier today.
I'm back to my specialist today after school to see about getting these sinuses working properly. He'll probably say something useless like "It's your job and all the germs the kids have... there's nothing I could do". Rory told me that the other day and I didn't have to pay him a $40 copay to do it (although now I suspect he's going to start charging me for advise now that I've put that idea out there). I guess there's a slight chance that my doctor might prove useful and actually treat me this time. I can hope.
current mood: blah
current music: Aimee Mann "High on Sunday 51"
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 5th, 2005
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8:35 am
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I finally ordered my computer and iPod!
We got our tax return direct deposited into our bank account yesterday so I called up Apple during my lunch break and ordered my much needed electronics. I should have my iPod Photo by next week and the Mac Mini in 1 to 2 weeks... hopefully before my trip.
I ended up going with a clearance model 40 gig iPod photo as it was only 30 bucks more than the 30 gig model I was originally going to get plus it came with a dock connector and case (which would have run me $80 if I have purchased them separately). Unfortunately because it was a clearance model I couldn't get it engraved, but oh well, I'll live.
I'm almost done watching my complete collection of "Wonderfalls" (yet another show that I loved that Fox prematurely canned... this one after only 4 of it's 13 filmed episodes ran). It's a shame that they didn't play at least all of the episodes that existed during its run as it might have caught on after awhile. It was a quirky show and Fox just doesn't know how to deal with those. It was the same deal with "Firefly"... odder shows need awhile to build up a fanbase... not just a few episodes (odd fact: both shows share an actress). My only complaint so far (I've seen 10 of the 13 episodes) is the lead male character Eric (played by Tyron Leitso... a good Canadian boy) is just too damn perfect. No man is THAT perfect ;)
(laugh). Okay, no woman either... he's a bit unrealistically good (and QUITE easy on the eyes... did I fail to mention such a fine fact). Anyways, fun show overall... really odd... but in a good way.
The heat got fixed in our apartment finally! Now I can get out of bed and not be a Bianca-sicle... well, for the next 2 weeks I can at least. I've finally made it to the "less than 2 weeks till my break" zone. If I can manage not to either die from my sinus infection and/or have a nervous breakdown things will be sweet in 13 days. Cold home, here I come.
current mood: groggy
current music: Eisley "Plenty of Paper"
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| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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8:27 am - "Sunday! Sunday! Someday!"
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It seems every night I want to update this thing the same damn read-only junk is going on... then I get stuck trying to update my journal before class and such. Grrr!
My alone time is officially over. Shawn got back early... 5am this morning actually. Imagine my surprise when my phone was ringing that early in the morning with Shawn on the other end asking me to take the chain off the door... because Shawn had neglected to tell me he was coming home early.
Just from the bits he told me over the phone and when he got home it sounds like the trip went well. He apparently went snowboarding and hiking while he was in North Carolina and thankfully he took pictures because even my grand imagination cannot stretch far enough to envision HIM doing athletic things. Shawn playing videogames or watching a movie... yup... THAT I can imagine, but not Shawn exerting himself in any way shape or form. But he did it. I'm still glad about the photos though.
My order from Amazon.com finally showed up. I'll be attacking "Bass Guitar for Dummies" when I get home later today. The Eisley CD that I ordered along with the book is as pleasing as I had hoped. I first heard them at an Urban Outfitters when I took my mental health day the other week and did the pleading and begging thing to get a cashier to tell me what I was listening to. They're kind of like a dreamier Sixpence None The Richer and both the singers in the band could voice double for Leigh Nash easily. It's 3 sisters, their brother, and a friend and all of them are rather young. They also are obsessed with Radiohead, and that's always a plus in my book. Anyway... the CD is called "Room Noises"... go and buy it already.
15 days (or a bit more than 2 weeks) until I get back home. Too damn long... but at least we're hitting the vaguely reasonable numbers. So far my only plans for while I'm there is seeing "The Ring 2" with Elena and others from the ESA posse. I'd like to do one of the traditional things like the ROM, zoo, or AGO despite the fact they'll be jam packed with children... I'll decide which one when I'm there I suppose.
I like all this dreamy music, but it's making me a bit wistful and melancholy.
I really want to be home right now.
And by home, I am NOT refering to any place with a FL zip code.
current mood: pensive
current music: Eisley "Memories"
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